There have been years in my life that I was pretty ‘meh’ about on New Year’s Eve. 2012 isn’t one of them. 2012 is a year that I will never forget. A year that, out of nowhere, transformed me in ways that I never could have imagined–yet deeply hoped for. It was a year of letting go, taking chances, falling in love, falling deeply in love, being blessed, honored, humbled by a woman full of grace, beauty, passion, and soul. Heidi Ruth, I love you. You made this year, you made my life.
I never expected to be writing these things today. And without sharing the secrets of our courtship I’ll simply say this: I knew immediately what would happen between Heidi and I. Someone asked me once if there was that ‘spark’ that you hear so much about in love stories. Yes, but it was deeper than that. It was more along the lines of “Finally…you’re here. What took you so long?” It was something closer to relief, soul-relaxing, heart opening relief. One of the most tender feelings imaginable, to be able to say “I’ll give you everything for just 5 more minutes together.” And it is true. Love teaches you that time is our truest, only commodity. Don’t waste it. Please don’t waste it on stupid things. You never get the minutes back. Time is precious and love teaches you to think closely about how well you use it and who you spend it with.
To be married. To join two lives. To say ancient, sacred vows to a person and then put a ring on her finger–I gotta tell you, that changes you. To say the word ‘wife’ is an honor. It’s a responsibility. You suddenly feel a new, mature type of responsibility. There’s more weight to it than I think a lot of people anticipate, which is another way of saying you want to be the type of man that your wife is proud to stand with. You suddenly evaluate things based on not just your opinion, but hers–and it’s a remarkably wonderful occurrence. And you wake up in the morning and your wife is lying next to you, asleep. Morning light leaking through the window shutters, your arm around her shoulder, your bodies cupped together…and that’s just the sort of thing that you never want to end. There is peace in the union. Regardless of the daily comings and goings–not to discount their importance–you have a home. Things are better in pairs. Much better than I could have ever hoped for.
You have to have faith–even when modern skepticism tells you to remain guarded and rational. There is irrationality to this life. There are things that can’t be explained. There are events that are serendipitous. There are connections that appear out of nowhere and for no logical reason. “There is more in heaven and earth, Horatio, than is dreamt of in your philosophy.” said Hamlet. I could have made different choices this year. I could have said “Well, she lives in Washington and I live in Arizona so it probably won’t work.” I could have said, “My job is here and I need to be here for that reason.” I could have said any number of hyper rational things that would have kept me from the most amazing experience of my life. Thank god I didn’t. This year I took a leap of faith–like one I’d never taken before–because I was open to it. It made perfect nonsense. And that is important. There are more things to this life than our rationale selves understand. Nor should we try. I cannot imagine what my life would look like right now had I not been open to the unexpected beauty of chance and faith.
I will never forget this year. I will always be grateful and humbled by my one true love. I cannot wait for our first year together and promise to do my very best to love the hell out of every fleeting second. You are my home and I love you. Happy New Year darling!